Trump withdraws Madame Dumbina nomination to Supreme Court, names Amy Coney Barrett instead (article dated September 27, but first published October 23, 2020)

Today we pick up the sad tale of Madame Dumbina, the first elephant to be nominated to the U.S. Supreme Court. President Donald Trump nominated Madame Dumbina to the Court on September 26, 2020, or perhaps earlier, in a ceremony at the White House Rose Garden. At the nomination ceremony, President Trump declared that although the nominee did not have a law degree, “some people are saying that she can read, and has been studying previous Supreme Court decisions.”

Trump said he had had second thoughts about the nomination after a personal interview with Madame Dumbina, which Trump characterized as “a total disaster”.

Anonymous sources close to the White House and the President confirmed that the interview had not gone well. Sources close to Madame Dumbina suggested that the President had become violently angry and had started insulting and attacking Madame Dumbina when she refused to take an oath of personal loyalty to Trump, and had ruled out any advance commitment to vote in a Supreme Court case in a way which would uphold his election.

According to some reports, the President had been feeding popcorn to Madame Dumbina at the time, trying to win her favor. When he insulted and yelled at her after she refused to take the oath of personal loyalty, and to vow to uphold his side in any case about a disputed election, she reportedly grabbed the whole bag of popcorn from him and slapped him gently on the arm with her trunk. At this point, according to reports, a frightened President Trump ran out of the Oval Office to escape her wrath.

Within the hour, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany called a news conference to denounce Madame Dumbina as being “not the elephant we thought she was”. She had failed to demonstrate the minimum of decorum expected of a Supreme Court nominee after having a “disastrous” interview with the President. The President had not run out of the Oval Office in a state of fright as had been erroneously reported, McEnany explained, but rather had calmly left the meeting while Madame Dumbina was trumpeting her displeasure with the President’s actions.

President Trump had taken a chance in nominating an elephant to join the Supreme Court, McEnany said in response to a question, but Madame Dumbina’s rudeness and lack of respect for the President had left him floored. “You don’t want to be on the floor with with an elephant in the room,” McEnany added, “because as you know they are messy and filthy creatures.”

Madame Dumbina was not immediately available for comment though she indicated through a Trumpmaiden spokesperson that she would be giving an interview in the next few days, when she would set the facts straight and give her version of what had occurred.

Madame Dumbina’s forthcoming interview will be published here.

The Trenchant Observer.