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Satire
Dispatches
See,
1) Michael D. Shear, “Biden’s Dog Bites Another Secret Service Officer; It is the latest in a series of episodes in which one of the family’s pets has bitten people since the president took office,” New York Times, September 26, 2023;
2) Marisa Inti, “Bidens’ dog bites Secret Service officer in 11th known aggressive incident,” Washington Post, September 27, 2023… (10:17 am EDT);
Analysis
House Republicans on the Biden impeachment panel have come up with at least one ground for impeaching President Joe Biden. The ground is that his dogs have been aggressive toward and biting Secret Service agents, according to one well-placed source who must remain anonymous because he or she is not authorized to speak about such sensitive matters.
According to the source, House impeachment panel members have concluded that because Biden spends a lot of time with his dogs (“man’s best friends”), the dogs have absorbed Biden’s anger and aggression to such an extent that they have become his agents.
In legal terms, this means that it has been Joe Biden who has been biting the Secret Service agents. Such actions amount to the commission of the felony of battery upon a federal official. Consequently, for these “high crimes and misdemeanors” the President must be impeached.
Inti, quoting Elizabeth Alexander, a spokeswoman for first lady Jill Biden, reports on probable arguments Biden may raise in his defense. Inti quotes Alexander as follows:
As we’ve noted before, the White House can be a stressful environment for family pets, and the First Family continues to work on ways to help Commander handle the often unpredictable nature of the White House grounds.
However, according to legal experts, if the dogs are acting as Biden’s agents, their state of mind would be irrelevant. They are simply taking out Biden’s anger and aggression by biting the Secret Service agents, and under well-established principles of agency law their bites are legally bites by the President.
Meanwhile, the impeachment panel continues its search for additional grounds of impeachment.
The Trenchant Observer
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